Once Upon A Christmas
by katechoco
Summary: A series of Christmas one shots. When everything else seems hard, when they feel lonely,when hope seemed to have vanished, Olivia and Elliot find a little something in the magic of Christmas...
1. Ruined Christmas

**_And yes I'm back! And in a total Christmas mood people!_**

**_This is the first story of my Christmas oneshot series. Each chapter will be a new EO Christmasy oneshot! Enjoy!_**

**_Disclaimer: Nope, not mine but maybe in 22 days...?!_**

* * *

**Ruined Christmas  
**

"El? Are you listening to what I'm saying?"

Elliot raised his head from the spot he was staring at, the last five minutes and turned his attention to Olivia, who was looking at him with a teasing smile. He couldn't help it when his heart skirted.

"Hmmm?" he said absent-mindedly. He was too busy thinking, how full and rosey Olivia's lips seemed, and how it would feel to kiss them…

"You didn't listen to a word I said, am I right?" She said teasingly again.

"Oh, yeah sorry Liv… I'm kind of tired…" Elliot said trying to focus his gaze to her eyes instead of her lips. Big mistake. Her warm chocolate eyes were as if they were piercing wholes through him.

She smiled. Oh God, that smile.

"I kind of noticed that. Well I asked you, what your plans were for today?"

"Um… I dunno, what's it today again?"

"El, today is Christmas Eve. Are you sure you're feeling good?" Olivia asked with a touch of concern.

"Oh, yeah yeah sure… As I told you I'm kind of tired… Um no I don't have any particular plans for today… I am getting the kids tomorrow though." He said with a small smile, at the thought of his kids. God, his kids. His kids and Olivia…the most important things in his life. "Um what about you Liv? Any plans?" He asked, while he was praying silently that she would say no, she didn't have any plans, and would he like to spend the evening together?. But her response brought him, hard, back to reality.

"Actually… yes. I'm meeting Nick for dinner later." Olivia said, a wide smile plastered on her face.

Elliot's heart, which till now, was jumping up and down, suddenly sank.

"Nick? I didn't… I didn't know you were still seeing him…" He said, trying to control, the sudden anger that started boiling inside him and was demanding to find Nick and turn his face into wipe cream.

"Oh yes, we're still seeing each other. And… oh God look at the time! I had to go home and get ready!"

"Already?" Elliot asked as Olivia was quickly putting her coat on.

"Yes, yes I'm already late. So, Merry Christmas El, see you."

She said and hurried towards the door.

"Merry Christmas Liv…" Elliot replied, but it was late, she was gone.

* * *

Olivia hurried back home and started preparing for her date, humming Christmas songs. She looked at the red dress hanging on the closet's door and smiled.

Christmas never symbolized anything happy for her. Her mother had made sure of that, very early in Olivia's life. There was never a Santa, or even presents from her mother. A tree was being decorated, once in three years, if her mother remembered. When Olivia was old enough to be able to decorate the house herself, she did so for some years, until one year, her mother into a drunken fit threw her on the tree, which fell down, along with her. Broken ornaments were everywhere, even inside Olivia's skin. Her mother after that, black out on the couch and Olivia cleaned the mess and went to take care of her wounds, physically and emotionally.

Olivia blinked back the tears, the memory had brought. She hadn't decorated a tree ever since. Once, some years back, she had gone and bought one, and some ornaments and lights, but when she opened the boxes back at her apartment, the bad memories that overcame her, were just too much. They were at the back of a closet ever since.

So as she was getting ready tonight, she really hoped that this Christmas Eve would be different. Nick was a decent guy and she really liked him. She looked at herself into the red dress that hugged her curves so nicely, at the mirror and smiled.

Across town, Elliot was sitting on the couch, staring, without actually watching at the tv. He couldn't take out of his mind, her smile when she was telling him about her date with Nick. Well, he didn't have anyone else to blame for this but his own, damn, stupidity. Of course Liv was too special, for her own damn good, and some fancy, horse faced, doctor would have taken her, before him. And it's not like Elliot didn't have any chances. He had, plenty, but he missed them all. When six months ago, Kathy divorced him for the second time, the minute the ink was dry at the divorce papers, he should have asked her out. He was aching to do so. But there was this fucking voice inside of him that told him, that it was too soon, that people and especially his family would assume things that weren't true. And as time passed, he just lost his courage. Every time he would open his mouth to do so, she would shot him one of her breathtaking smiles and he would think, "God, she's too good for me."

And now, he's time was up. He couldn't believe that, he refused to believe that. He refused to let go, of what it felt like… like the biggest love of his life.

He instantly rose from the couch and looked frantically around for his coat. He found it and rushed out of the door.

Olivia searched on her closet frantically for her purse. Time had flown without her even realizing it. It wouldn't be much longer before Nick's arrival.

Elliot got out of his building and started running, pushing people in his way. He had to get there before him.

Olivia looked herself in the mirror and smiled. She didn't have a lot of opportunities to dress up and she had really put a lot of effort on this one. Then she turned her gaze at the clock in the hallway. Nick would be there in ten minutes.

Elliot took a turn, still running. He was almost out of breath, the cold wind was hitting his face and five people had sworn to him but he didn't care. Olivia's apartment wasn't far from his, he would be there soon…

Just as she was putting on some perfume, Olivia heard the doorbell ringing. Oh he's here early, she thought with a flinch of nervousness and went to open.

As soon as she opened the door, she smiled.

"Hello gorgeous. Merry Christmas" Nick said leaning to give her a small peck on her lips, to which Olivia responded eagerly.

"Merry Christmas Nick. You're kind of early" she observed smiling

"Yes, I got off early so as to avoid the traffic but apparently things weren't so dramatically bad so…" He said

"It's okay, I'm ready so just let me get my coat and we'll leave." Olivia said turning around leaving him gazing at her with a smile from the door.

Elliot pulled the last feet towards Olivia's building, panting. He was just some feet before the entrance when he heard a warm laugh, _her _amazing laugh and the he saw her. He saw her exiting the building with _him_, his arm around her waist. She was laughing again with something he had leaned and whispered in her ear. He opened the door to a shiny Mercedes for her and Olivia got in, smiling wide. Nick closed the door, went around the car on the driver's side, got in and drove away.

* * *

Almost two hours later, Elliot was sitting at the stairs of Olivia's building entrance. Snow had starting to fall lightly half an hour ago and now it had almost covered most of the stairs and street and most of Elliot's shoulder's. He was cold but he didn't care. He seriously doubted that he would care about anything any more.

Olivia and Nick had just exited the restaurant and started walking the few blocks to Nick's car.

"I had a great time tonight Nick, you really made my Christmas Eve very good" Olivia said with a smile as they walked.

"Oh and how's usually Christmas Eve for Olivia Benson?" Nick asked a bit teasingly

"Just me and some cheesy Christmas movies I guess. When Elliot was divorced, we spent some Christmas Eves together…"

"Oh yeah? Doing what?" Nick asked again, his voice a little strange.

"Same thing, watch cheesy movies, but it was more fun with him…"

"More fun than with me?"

Olivia stopped walking and turned to face Nick, blinking confused.

"What does this have to do with you Nick?" she asked quizzically.

Nick who had stopped walking too, shoved his hands into his pocket and let out a bitter laugh.

"Jesus Olivia, do you think I'm blind? You're obviously attracted to the guy."

Olivia blinked some more.

"Nick, what on earth are you talking about? Elliot and I are just friends!"

"Yeah, like hell you're just friends. The last two months that we're dating, you've spent more time with him than with me, and don't tell me that's just for work!"

"Well, of course, it's just for work! Our job is hectic and unpredictable."

"Yeah, yeah, let's be honest here Olivia, how long is he fucking you behind my back?" Nick spat.

Olivia's eyes grew wide in surprise.

" For the last time, we are not having an affair! And I really don't understand where that sudden wave of jealousy is coming from. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a cab and go home. Call me when you grow up."

She turned to the opposite direction from where they were heading, but suddenly she felt his hand grabbing her arm tight.

"Don't you dare walk away from me like that."

* * *

"Aren't you cold out there, my friend?"

"Nah, I'm good thanks." Elliot nodded politely to Olivia's doorman who had came and stood beside him on the stairs.

" Is she worth all this?" The man asked suddenly, his eyes going up and down Elliot's snowy and slightly shivering figure.

He was almost four hours now, in front of Olivia's building. Besides walking up and down the stairs a few times so as not to completely froze, he couldn't bring himself to leave.

Elliot stared at the doorman.

"Yes, she is. She is everything. But I let her slip away. I was stupid enough to just let her slip away." He said turning his gaze down on his lap.

The doorman brought his hand down on Elliot's shoulder. Suddenly Elliot felt a warmness overcoming him and he pulled his eyes back up to the man quizzically.

"You know, my friend, tonight is Christmas Eve. Tonight, miracles do happen." He said with a smile and then walked away and disappeared into the building.

The slap echoed on the empty street. Olivia gasped and brought her hand on her burning cheek. She looked at Nick's cold face and her momentum surprise was replaced with boiling anger.

"You son of a bitch, don't you dare touch me ever again!" She hissed and punched him hard across his face, making him growl and double over.

She started running away from him quickly. She crossed a road, turned to a corner and continued running, having absolutely no idea where she was heading.

Running on high heels wasn't easy but she didn't want to slow down, she couldn't. Suddenly, her foot bumped into something and she fell flat on the pavement, letting out a gasp.

For a second she stood still, trying to catch her breath. Tears had started running down her face. She rested her weight on her arms and slowly raised her body from the pavement. She brushed off the dust and the snow from her coat. She had bent to do the same on her legs, when her hand touched her knee and Olivia winced in pain. She looked down to see her hose torn and her knees a bloody mess.

She bit her trembling lower lip, as more hot tears escaped her eyes. She sniffed and wipe them away, making and effort to start walking again, but her knees were killing her. She managed to walk a few feet, before falling heavy on a bench at the end of the unknown street she had ended up.

With one hand, Olivia closed her coat tighter around her, while the other subconsciously travelled on the side of her face, Nick had hit. She could already feel a bruise forming there. She sighed hard. What was wrong with her? Why did she always pick such pricks? And especially today… Was she destined to be forever miserable on Christmas?

"Now, that it's not true at all."

Olivia raised her head in confusion, only to find an elder man, with a small white beard and a red coat, sitting beside her and smiling gently.

"I'm sorry, was I speaking out loud?" She asked him. The man smiled some more.

"What a beautiful lady is doing at this time of night, and on Christmas Eve of all days, all alone in the dangerous streets of Manhattan?" He asked and Olivia hanged her head again.

"I'm always alone… and it really doesn't make a difference that it's Christmas Eve. It never did. But this year I thought it'd be different, you know? But I couldn't be more wrong." She said letting out a bitter laugh.

"You still have time, you know"

Olivia raised her head again and looked at the man quizzically.

"Time for what?"

"Time to make this Christmas Eve different" the man answered.

"Well I don't see how this is going to happen. The only thing that I want right now, is the only thing I can't have" Olivia admitted, surprising herself, because she had forced this desire to be buried deep down, and she had never actually verbalized it.

The man raised his eyebrows and gave her a questioning look and Olivia sighed.

"He… he doesn't even sees me that way! He's my…. He's my everything and he doesn't have a clue." She said, surprising herself even further with her boldness.

The man let out a small laugh.

" It's Christmas Eve isn't it? Miracles do happen today. So go. Go get him. You may be surprised. You deserve it Olivia, you deserve someone who will treat you properly" he said, brushing gently her bruised cheek with the back of his hand. "You deserve him."

Olivia remained silent, staring at his gentle face for some seconds. Then, she rose from the bench with determination.

"You're right, I owe to myself a try. Thanks" She said and shot the man a smile.

"Anytime. Oh, and before you do anything, make sure you go to your place first. There's a special delivery waiting for you there. Merry Christmas Olivia."

"Merry Christmas" Olivia said nodding absent mindedly and she had already walked a few feet away from the bench, when she froze on the spot.

"Wait how do you even know…" she started saying but the man had disappeared. She blinked some times in confusion and then a smile was drawn to her face.

"Merry Christmas" she whispered and began walking again fast.

* * *

The next morning after Serena had pushed her daughter on the tree, Olivia heard the door of her room creaking open and curled further on the far side of her bed.

"Livvy?" Came Serena's hoarse whisper.

Olivia didn't move a muscle, as she heard her mother walking inside the room and then, feeling her beside her on the bed.

"Livvy baby I'm sorry…" Her mother whispered and gathered Olivia in her arms. She then noticed the cuts on her daughter's arms and gasped.

"Oh God, Livvy baby I'm so sorry, mommy is sorry…" she said choking back a sob and rocking Olivia in her lap.

Olivia remembered as she was walking back at her apartment, her eight-year-old self, burying her head on her mother's chest and silently wondering why all this was happening and why she felt so alone and so so hurt…. A feeling that adult Olivia carried for almost her whole life.

But now as she walked closer and closer to her apartment and his humped figure was becoming clearer, she knew, she just knew, that tonight she might be able to put this feeling behind her once and for all.

He rose his head as if he had sensed her approaching. He took in, her somehow battered appearance and he was on his feet immediately.

"Liv! What… how?" He asked worriedly, totally forgetting to even try to explain what he was doing on her stairs a little before midnight on Christmas Eve.

"It's okay El. But can we go upstairs because it's too damn cold out here and these shoes are killing me?" She asked with a chuckle and he nodded and followed her inside the building.

They ride the elevator in silence. As soon as they were inside her apartment and Olivia turned on the lights and kicked of her heels, Elliot was able to take in her appearance better. His eyes travelled from her bloody knees to her face, where they stopped at the bruise in her cheek.

"Liv, what the hell happened?" he asked quietly. Olivia sighed and sat on the couch, gesturing for him to sit beside her. From this point of view, Elliot looked at her cheek core closely.

"Jesus Christ Liv…" he muttered and then realization hit him.

"I'm going to fucking kill him. I'm going to…" he growled but Olivia placed a firm hand on his arm and he turned to face her, his anger boiling inside him.

"El, it's really okay. I mean, yes, he hit me, but I punched him back and then I started running away, and at some point I fell and tore my hose…" she said and glanced down at her knees.

Elliot sighed hard.

"You should take off your hose so as to take care of your knees…"

"Yeah, give me a minute…"

She disappeared into her bedroom and came out some minutes later, having took off her hose and with a washcloth in hand. She sat back next to him and brought the washcloth to her knee. She made a small wincing sound but kept on cleaning away the blood. When she was about to bring the washcloth down to her other knee, she felt Elliot's hand cupping hers.

"Here, let me." He said and took it from her. He started rubbing her knee very gently and Olivia felt her heartbeat going fast. She looked him and even though tonight she had come to believe that anything was bound to happen, she had to ask, she had to hear him say it.

"Elliot, what are you doing here?" She asked, trying to not let her voice reveal her sudden nervousness. He stopped taking care of her knee and looked up at her with a seriousness that made Olivia even more nervous.

"I'm going to tell you something that you may or may not like. Something I couldn't find the courage or even the words to form, until tonight. I saw you exiting your building with that asshole and I thought that I had completely lost my chance but something inside me told me to wait, to not leave just yet… So I stayed. And so, I am here to tell you…" He took a deep breath and Olivia was sure that her heart would jump out of her chest.

"I love you Olivia. I loved you for so long, but I always been afraid to show it, to tell it, damn, to even think it! And later on I thought that I would never be able to tell you but… here I am now. I love you, you mean the world to me, I cannot imagine my life without you." He said, his voice cracking on the last words.

Olivia remain silent for some seconds, just looking at his face, at his amazing, blue eyes who were so filled with love and then, all her nervousness was gone. So she smiled wide as she leaned forward.

"I love you too, so so much." She whispered before capturing his lips into a soft kiss. He kissed her back immediately and quickly deepened the kiss. They remained like that, kissing passionately for several minutes, until air became necessary. They parted, smiling to each other.

"That was nice" Olivia whispered.

"More than nice" Elliot replied trying to catch his breath.

"I guess it beats, movie or takeout or dinner to a nice restaurant" Olivia said with a teasing smile

"You bet it does" He said with a chuckle. Then he took his eyes off Olivia and looked around the living room.

"Still not decorating?"

"I didn't have any real reason to." She said shrugging.

Elliot rose from the couch and Olivia eyed him confused.

"Now you have. Come on, I thought you had mentioned something about a tree being stuffed into a closet?"

Olivia smiled and raised her body from the couch too.

"Well, I guess it's never too late." She said and lead Elliot to the closet where she kept the tree and the decorations.

* * *

An hour later, a small tree was standing nearby the window of the living room, its multi colored lights warming up the room. Elliot was standing beside Olivia, gazing at her, as she looked at the tree with sparkling eyes.

"For once, it symbolizes something happy." She mumbled

Elliot placed his hand on the small of her back.

"From now on, it will always stand for something happy, something great." He said and placed a small peck on her soft hair. She turned to face him and locked her arms around his neck.

"I want to feel you… all of you. We've been fighting this for so long…" she mumbled to his ear, sending goosebumps down his spine.

"I love you Liv" he whispered as he picked her up gently and carried her to the bedroom.

Several hours later, they were lying tangled on the bed sheets, on each other's arms. Olivia sighed contently, her face buried on Elliot's broad shoulders.

" I could really get used to it" she said and Elliot chuckled.

"Well, you should. Oh, and by the way, you have a very nice doorman, he kept me some company…"

Olivia raised her head looking confused.

" That can't be right, I don't even have a doorman…" She said and it was Elliot's turn to look confused.

"What? But then who was that man? He was kind of chubby, with a white beard and a…"

"Red coat?"

"Yes, a red coat... wait how do you know?"

Olivia's eyes opened wide as realization hit her. Then her face broke into a smile.

"Did he give you any advice? You know… about us?"

"Yes, actually he said that tonight is Christmas Eve and miracles can happen… I guess he was right." Elliot said smiling too as he leaned to place a kiss against her lips.

" You know… after I run away from Nick and fell, I sat at this bench and suddenly this man appeared beside me. He seemed so nice and gentle and I kind of… poured my heart on him. About you. And he said that its Christmas Eve and miracles do happen. And that I should go home because there was a special package waiting for me there. He was chubby with a white beard and a red coat." Olivia said smiling wide. Elliot stared at her for some seconds before breaking into a laugh.

"Merry Christmas Liv." He said, cupping her face and started peppering her neck with small kisses.

"Merry Christmas El" She replied as she shivered at his touch and dug her nails into his back, moaning slightly as he traveled down at her body.

* * *

A dim light crept through the window as Olivia opened her eyes and found herself tangled on Elliot's arms. She smiled and slowly detached herself trying not to wake him.

She walked quietly towards the living room and stopped by the window, beside the lighted Christmas tree.

She watched the small colorful lights smiling, and felt as if they were dancing in front of her eyes.

Olivia's smile grew wider when Elliot's arms came and embraced her warmly. And as she turned around to kiss him, she thought that maybe, just maybe, Christmas weren't so bad after all.

_**I hope you liked the story and that you will enjoy the rest of them as well!**_

_**Coming up next: Olivia receives a very unexpected Christmas gift that will change her life for ever... But what about Elliot? Will it be a gift for him too?**_

_**Until then... review! I would love to hear from all of you guys!**_


	2. Second Chance

_**Chapter two of my Christmas story is here! Thanks a lot to everyone who reviewed, followed etc my story! You really keep me going guys!**_

_**ALSO I want to remind to everyone that English is not my native language and I am doing this without a beta. So please **_**_excuse any grammatical or other mistakes! Thanks a lot!_**

**_Disclaimer: Nope, not mine. In 17 days maybe? :D_**

* * *

**Second Chance**

" You don't know what you're talking about!"

"Fuck off Elliot, you know I'm right!"

"No, you're not!"

"That's enough!"

A fuming Olivia and a red-faced Elliot, turned at the same time to look at their Captain, who was eyeing them sternly.

"I don't know what your problem is, but keep it away from my squadroom, and especially on Christmas time. Now, it's almost 5 o' clock, both of you go home, and I want you back here tomorrow first thing in the morning." He said and walked away, leaving them glaring at each other.

Elliot mumbled something under his breath, reached for his coat and stomped out of the precinct without a word. Olivia watched him leave, her arms crossed on her chest. She waited some minutes, to make sure that she won't bump into him on her way out and left too without a word, leaving Fin and Munch exchanging confused looks.

Olivia emerged from the building, anger still boiling hot inside of her. She started walking fast, trying to ignore the happy yells coming from people around her, while they're doing their Christmas shopping. After some minutes, she stopped, panting hard. This was awful. She always disliked Christmas, having spent her entire childhood with a mother who kept ruining them, one way or another. But until a month ago, she had this feeling that those holidays would be different.

She let out a bitter laugh. Oh yeah there would be different, there would be the worst Christmas ever.

Some time later that night, she was staring out from her window to the snow that was falling lightly over Manhattan. She sighed longingly and hugged herself tightly.

"Hey is anyone up there listening? Jesus? Santa maybe?" she laughed at her own foolishness, but went on.

"I was really hoping that Christmas this year, would be different, but good different, you know? Not the crappy different that is about to be. So, um… I never asked for anything, but can you please give me a miracle? Can you give me my Christmas miracle?"

Tears were falling down her eyes, tears that spoke for all her sorrow, pain, but also for the hope that still was inside her.

* * *

The next morning, she woke up, feeling uneasy. She hadn't managed to sit straight up on her bed, when a wave of nausea hit her and made her jump out and run to the bathroom, where she spent the next few minutes throwing up.

When she was done, she slid down the wall exhausted.

"I asked for a freaking miracle, not a stomach flu!" she groaned, burying her head on her knees.

She somehow managed to pull herself together and get ready for work, all the time fighting nausea and dizziness. She could have call in sick, but she didn't want people to think that she was faking an illness, so as not to face Elliot after last evening's ordeal.

She dragged herself to the precinct and sat at her chair, carefully, fighting, another wave of dizziness.

"Merry fucking Christmas" she muttered.

At that moment, Elliot walked into the precinct. He glared at her for a moment from the door and then went and sat on his desk, without a word.

They worked silently for a while, not even glancing at each other. But after a while, Olivia's eyes grew wide and with her hand in front of her mouth, she rushed towards the bathroom, Elliot's eyes on her back. Some minutes later, she came back looking pale. She reached for her desk in time to grab it, as dizziness overtook her again. Elliot was eyeing her intently but silently.

"Liv are you okay?" it was Fin who asked her, concern written all over his voice.

"I ah.. yes, it's just a flu or something, I…" Her hands had just left the desk, but she grabbed it again, her eyes closed tight, as she was trying to fight the dizziness away.

Even with her eyes closed, she could feel Elliot's stare, burning holes through her. She took a deep breath, steadied herself and sat back at her desk.

The rest of the morning came by uneventful, mostly because Elliot and Olivia hadn't exchange a single word. It was lunchtime now, and Elliot had disappeared half an hour ago, again without saying a word. Although Olivia's stomach was slightly better, the idea of ingesting anything was still unattractive.

"Hey Liv, I'm going down at the deli, anything you might want me to bring you? A tuna sandwich maybe?" Fin said, while putting his coat on.

Olivia felt her stomach churning, even at the idea of a tuna sandwich.

"Ah, no Fin, I am not really hungry. Thanks" She said with an appreciative smile. He smiled back and headed out of the squadroom.

Now almost alone at the office, Olivia's mind started working fast. She loved tuna sandwich, why the thought of it, made her want to throw up? Also those dizzy spells and vomiting, what on earth was going on? Suddenly, a horrifying thought popped up in her head. When was her last period? She frantically looked on her drawers for a calendar. With trembling hands, she picked one up and after some calculations, her eyes grew wide and suddenly felt like fainting on the spot.

After taking a few deep breaths, she picked up her phone, and after looking around to see if anyone was listening, she dialed a number and brought it to her ear.

"Yes, my name is Olivia Benson, I'd like to schedule an appointment for today if that's possible..."

* * *

"Holy crap."

"Yeahp."

"Oh shit."

"Oh yes."

Olivia and Casey were sitting at a corner of a coffee shop which was buzzing with people and it was decorated like Christmas threw up in there. Casey was looking stunned at Olivia, who was holding her cup of tea with both hands and was giving the evil eye on a silver garland at the nearby window, as if it was the cause of all of her problems.

"So let me get this straight." Casey said and Olivia just looked at her. " You and him were together for approximately four months?"

"Give it or go."

"Behind everyone's backs, including your best friend. I don't know if I should feel offended or…"

"Don't be such a drama queen, Casey, you know the reasons." Olivia said and rubbed her forehead tiredly.

"Anyway, you broke up a month ago, been in each other's throats since then, which by the way, went totally unnoticed. Not."

"Will you just get to the point?" Olivia groaned frustrated and Casey raised her hands as if in defeat.

"Okay, okay! And know, you're telling me, that you are pregnant. With Elliot's baby."

"Well done, counselor, your summary of my awesome situation was extraordinary."

"Holy crap."

"You said that again."

"Fuck."

"Well, that's kind of what brought us at this point."

Casey remained silent for some minutes, carefully examining the cup of coffee in her hands. Olivia had gone back at gazing at the garland, when suddenly, she heard Casey's voice.

"And why exactly is this a bad thing?"

Olivia's eyes grew wide open in surprise.

"Because! We broke up for a reason Case!"

"Which is…"

Olivia opened her mouth, but then closed it again, hanging her head.

"I don't really know why."

"My point exactly Liv." Casey said triumphantly.

Some time later, as they were walking towards Olivia's building, snow falling lightly, Olivia looked around at all the Christmas decorations, at the surrounding buildings, the stores, the street, and felt her heart skirting.

"You know" she said to Casey as they kept walking. "It may sound really cheesy and childish but… Last night I made a wish… I wished for a miracle, and… and…" She stopped talking and shook her head laughing a bit. Casey turned and looked at her with a warm smile.

"You got, your wish Liv. This is your miracle."

Olivia stopped and looked at Casey's smiling face and smiled too widely.

"Yes. This is my miracle" she said and brought her hand on her stomach, acknowledging for the first time since she left the doctor's office that noon, the small life that was inside of her, her miracle, her baby.

Olivia opened the lights of her apartment, took off her coat and boots and went to the kitchen. As she was opening the fridge, a photo caught her attention. She closed the fridge again to look at it better. It was of Elliot and her, and it was taken some months ago. She remembered the day so well.

"_El, stop it." Olivia said trying not to laugh. Elliot looked up at her innocently._

" _All I'm trying to do, is take a picture Liv, come on, what is it so bad about it?"_

"_I just… don't do pictures! Please El" she said, this time not able to hide her smile._

"_Yes, I think you're right…" Elliot said but before she was able to let out a relieved sigh, he went on. " I think we should both be at the picture! Ma'am, is it possible that you will take a picture of us?" and like that, he had gone and given the camera to a lady passing by._

"_Elliot, what the….No!" Olivia said almost mortified when he went to sit back with her._

"_Liv, shut up and smile." He said back. And she did. And it was the best picture she ever owned._

And now Olivia was looking at the picture smiling again and thinking that maybe, things will be alright.

* * *

But the next day, she couldn't believe how wrong she had been.

Elliot had come into the office, with the foulest mood possible. Olivia was leaning back on her chair, trying to control her nausea, since not fifteen minutes ago she was at the bathroom for the fourth time this morning, throwing up. She tried to give him a small smile and she was about to say good morning when…

"You look like hell." It was the first thing that came out of his mouth. And not in a sympathetic way. In a what-the-fuck way. Olivia's eyes opened wide.

"It's, um, it's nothing really." She made an attempt to hide her annoyance and smile again. But Elliot wouldn't drop it.

" Do you think you can be on the field like this Olivia?" He said like he was trying to win the award of jerk of the year.

" I'm fine Elliot." Olivia said sternly and glared at him. But, of course, he had to go on.

"No you're not, and I won't be able to do my job properly if I have to watch your back every second. I certainly don't trust you to watch _my _back, if you are like this." He spat.

Olivia looked at him stunned for a second.

"Fuck you" she hissed then and disappeared up on the crib.

Up there, she kept pacing up and down to the point she mad herself sick again. As she leaned down on the cold floor beside the toilet, she felt tears filling her eyes. She wiped them away quickly, she didn't need that right now, when anyone could walk in any minute. She sat up and headed back to the squad room. She entered Cragen's office without even glancing to Elliot.

"Hey Cap, can I take the rest of the day off? I think I'm coming down with something…" She said as she closed the door behind her.

"Sure Liv. And Merry Christmas. I'll see you in two days."

"Sure, Merry Christmas…. Wait what day is it today?" She asked confused. Cragen gave her a half amused look.

"It's Christmas Eve, Liv. Maybe if you weren't so busy trying to rip Elliot's head off you would have noticed."

"Oh, ah, well… Merry Christmas" she said again slightly embarrassed and left the office.

She went to her desk, picked her coat up and wore it under Elliot's glare, which she completely ignored.

"Merry Christmas John, Fin" She said shooting a small smile towards them, which they returned, along with half mumbled wishes, and she left the squad room.

As soon as she left, Fin turned to Elliot.

"Man, whatever happened between the two of you and I don't mean just today, you fucked up big time. I've never seen her leave like this."

"None of your fucking business Fin." Elliot muttered and shot him an angry glare. Fin shrugged and went back to his paperwork. Elliot went back to looking on his computer screen too but he couldn't concentrate one bit.

Something was wrong with Olivia, he wasn't sure if it was just the flu, or something else, but he couldn't get his mind to stop thinking about her. Hell, he couldn't stop thinking about her since they broke up, a month ago. It was kind of a mutual decision, the break up, because they had reached a point where, they could argue at work about a case and then bring the argument home and argue there some more. They would end up with him sleeping on her sofa or her closing the door to his face or slamming the door of his apartment behind her. And then they decided, for the shake of their jobs, that they should end it. After all, it was just a fling right? Some pent up sexual tension, and now that their need had been satisfied they should head their respective ways, right? Only it wasn't right. And Elliot could not bring himself to admit how much he cared about her, how much he loved her… And the only way to not grab her and kiss her in the middle of the squad room was to be a jerk to her. And of course, she would snap back. And that went on and on for the whole month. And now she hated him. Obviously. He missed her… he missed her so much, but it was over now. He had fucked up big time.

He sighed hard and tried once more to concentrate on his paperwork, but the only thought in his mind was, _Oh God, how do I make this right?_

* * *

Olivia walked fast, not exactly sure where she was heading to. She didn't want to go back to her apartment, her cold, empty apartment. But it wouldn't be empty for much longer, she thought as she brought her hand to her still flat abdomen. Whatever happened, she would have her baby. And she wanted so much to give her baby everything, all the things she didn't have growing up, and most of all, a father.

"_What do you need a man for Livvy?" _ Her mother's voice echoed in her ears.

"_Men just want one thing and when they get it, they dump you and move on to the next bait."_ Serena slurred her words as she was finishing off another bottle of vodka. Olivia remembered her 10 year-old self, staring at her mother in silence from beside her in the couch. It was Christmas Eve and they were supposed to have some good time, watch a nice Christmas movie, hear some Christmas songs…. But the minute Serena brought the bottle to her lips, Olivia knew that none of this was going to happen. So she just sat there, fumbling her pretty red dress, she had worn because she thought that her mother would be happy and listened to her drunken monologue.

Back then, she wouldn't understand, even now sometimes she doesn't, but she knows that her mother was wrong about one thing. It hurt so much growing up without a father, missing half her identity and she definitely didn't want that for her child.

Some hour later, she knelt before her mother's grave and placed a Christmas rose on it. She sat there looking at it, as if she was waiting for her mother to appear and answer all of her questions, tell her she had been wrong, that she could find happiness with a man, a man she knew she loved so much.

She had started to shiver slightly, when she noticed that snow was falling and it had almost covered everything by then, her mother's graver, the rose, herself. She realized from the pain on her knees and the amount of snow that she must have been there for almost an hour. She also realized that it was getting darker. She took her phone out of her pocket only to find about a dozen missed calls from Casey. She pressed the call back button and brought the phone to her ear.

"Where the hell have you been?" Casey's voice came to her ear.

"Hello to you too, Casey."

"I've been trying to reach you for over an hour!"

"Sorry, I had my phone on silent. I ah, I am at the cemetery at my mother's grave."

"Tell me you're joking, and that you're not in a cemetery, alone in the dark and cold, and not to mention, pregnant?"

"God Casey, you make it sound like a ghost is going to appear suddenly and kill me!"

"I don't know Olivia, please tell me that you're on your way out now."

"Actually… I'll stay for a bit more. I'll call you later Case, bye" she said and hung up before her friend was able to yell at her some more.

She stared back at the grave. Casey was right. It was getting colder by the minute, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to leave. So she knelt back down.

"Hi mom, it's me Olivia. I have some news for you…"

On the other side of the town, Casey excused herself from her company and went out of the restaurant, where she dialed Elliot's number. Olivia would not like this one bit, but she had to do it, she thought, as she was waiting for Elliot to pick up.

"Stabler" came Elliot's growl from the other side and Casey sighed.

"Elliot, it's me, Casey. I need you to listen to me, very carefully and don't interrupt."

"Casey what the…."

"I said do no interrupt. I need you to go to the cemetery where Olivia's mother is buried and get Olivia. She's been there for over an hour and from what she told me, she isn't planning on leaving anytime soon, and it's getting cold and dark…."

"What on earth is she doing there?"

"I don't know, I think she is a little emotional right now, with everything that it's going on…" Casey said, before realizing what exactly she had said. She almost gasped.

"Casey, what do you mean, with everything that's going on? What is wrong with Liv? Elliot's voice echoed filled with worry.

"You should talk to her. Go get her, okay?" She said and hung up before he was able to do any more questions.

Elliot stared at the phone for some seconds, before raising his body from the sofa and quickly putting on his coat. He was out of the door and in his car within minutes. Luckily, the cemetery wasn't far away from his place. The worry was eating him up, something was on with Liv, he knew it and he needed to figure out what.

" So here's the thing mom. I… I'm pregnant. And I am really happy about it. The baby's father is the man I love more than anything in this world. But we have screwed up bad and I don't want this baby to grow up without a father, because I've been there and…." She stopped and took a deep breath.

"And guess what mom? It sucked. It sucked not knowing and it sucked that I was feeling that I was wrong to miss him, just because you were telling me that men are useless and I'm better off without a father, a boyfriend, a husband. But now I know that I wasn't wrong, you were."

She suddenly realized that she was almost yelling to the grave. Anyone who would pass by, would think that she was crazy. But who would at this time, and on this day? She was alone, like always. She always ended up alone.

Hot tears started running down her face, but she made no effort to wipe them away. She brought her hand to her stomach and smiled through the tears.

" I already want that baby very much mom. Did you want me like that? Never mind…. I guess I know the answer to that one…"

She was now shivering uncontrollably as the snow was falling heavier. Tears were running down her face unstoppable and as she stood up she realized that it was pitch dark now.

It suddenly sank in, that she was alone in a cemetery while it was snowing and that it would be very hard to find a cab to get home.

And then, out of nowhere, she saw a foggy figure approaching her. She stayed still, unsure of what to do and kept telling to herself that Casey is stupid and that there are no ghosts…. But then the figure became clear and Olivia gasped as Elliot came towards her with worry written all over his face.

"Elliot" She gasped and almost threw herself on him. He immediately wrapped his arms around him, and just like that, all the angst and anger and tense of the last month disappeared, as Olivia buried her face on his coat and cried.

"Shh, it's okay Liv. I got you." He said with a soft reassuring voice.

"El, I…" she tried to say but she was shivering too much and crying too hard to be able to form a complete sentence.

"Shh Liv. I got you now, let's get you out of here and into the car." Elliot said as he was rubbing her back in an attempt to warm her up a bit.

"Please." She managed to whisper "Take me home El."

"I will." He said and started walking away from the cemetery, with Olivia leaning almost all the way on him.

* * *

Olivia's tears subsided as they reach the car. They fell into a heavy silence at the ride back to Olivia's apartment.

The moment they were inside the apartment, they turned to look at each other.

"El..."

"Liv…"

They laughed awkwardly as they both attempted to speak at the same time. Elliot then spoke again.

" Are you more warm now?" Olivia nodded and he sighed.

"Liv, Casey called me and told me where to find you. She was worried about you, and to be honest, I am worried about you too. What's going on Liv?"

"Some hours ago you almost told me that I was completely incompetent to do my job and that's about the lighter thing you told me the last month." Olivia said bitterly.

Elliot hid his face on his hands and sank on the couch. He stood there some minutes as Olivia went and silently sat beside him.

" I'm so sorry that I was such an asshole. But it was the only way, it was the only way for me to…" Elliot's voice trailed out and Olivia looked at him expectantly.

"The only way for you what Elliot? You spent the last two months snapping at me, at every possible second and then Casey calls you and you run to find me. Why now El? What changed now?" She stressed. Every fear and weakness that she had shown to the cemetery was now gone. She needed answers. She knew why Casey was worried and called Elliot, but she needed to know, what he was thinking, where his mind was, because otherwise, how could he tell him?

"I was an asshole Liv and know I can feel that something is wrong with you and I feel so awful for treating you like that…"

Olivia blinked confused. She never had heard Elliot talking like that, admitting that he was wrong and more than once… She opened her mouth to talk, but before she was able to form any words, she felt herself turning pale and a wave of nausea overcame her.

She brought her hand to her mouth and quickly run to the bathroom, with Elliot following her closely with a worried expression. She made it on time to empty once more the contents of her stomach on the toilet.

Elliot leaned beside her and rubbed her back as she was dry heaving into the bawl. As she got up, she tried to avoid Elliot's eyes. She wiped her mouth with a cloth and rinsed it with some water, still avoiding his intent gaze. By the time she was done Elliot's gaze had been driving her crazy. She dropped the cloth with force onto the sink and turned to look at him.

"For fuck's shake Elliot, nothing is wrong with me! I'm just pregnant ok? And quit looking at me like Santa Claus turned you into Mother freaking Teresa!" She shouted.

Only when she saw the petrified expression at his face she realized what she had just said. She gasped and lowered her head, silently cursing herself.

"You are pregnant?" Came Elliot's choked voice. She sighed loudly.

"Yes, Elliot, I am pregnant." She said finally after some seconds in silence.

"And the baby is…"

"Yours."

"Mine."

" El I'm not…." She started saying only to be interrupted by his lips crashing on hers. Startled, she didn't return the kiss immediately, but after some seconds she parted her lips and let his tongue slip into her mouth. They stayed kissing like that for some minutes, until they broke apart, both out of breath.

"God I missed this" Elliot whispered, leaning his forehead on hers, still panting.

"Remind me again why we stopped doing it?" Olivia mumbled.

"Because we were idiots. Well, me more than you."

"No" Olivia shook her head and looked him in the eyes. "We both made a lot of mistakes."

"But we will fix everything now. This little baby will" Elliot said smiling and placed his hand against Olivia's abdomen. Her eyes lit up.

"Does that mean…."

"Olivia, I want it, of course I do. And I want you. This is my second chance, and I'm never letting you go again, ever. Those month was pure hell. I was such a jerk because all I could think was that I wanted to grab you and kiss you."

" Good you'll get to do this a lot now" Olivia said smiling mischievously. Elliot laughed for a moment but then turned serious.

" I love you Olivia." He said looking into her warm brown eyes.

" I love you too Elliot." She said with a soft voice.

"Mother freaking Teresa? Really Liv?" Elliot said teasingly as they walked out of the bathroom and into Olivia's bedroom.

"Shut up and make it up to me for al the kissing and everything else you wanted to do and couldn't, those month." She said as she threw him to the bed and started kissing him hungrily.

Several hours later, as she laid into the dark with Elliot's arms wrapped around her, she looked at the photo of her and her mom, that was sitting on the nightstand.

"It's okay mom." She whispered with a small smile. " I may not understand everything and probably never will, but I'm okay now. Merry Christmas."

"I love you." She added after some seconds of hesitancy. She then turned around buried her head on Elliot's warm chest and went back to sleep, ready to wake up some hours later on what would be the best Christmas of her life.

* * *

_**So that was it! I hoped you liked it! Coming up, the next story will take place after a very well known, but not so pleasant episode... And no, it doesn't take place on 7th season ;) Which one will be? Review and tell me what you think it will be and what you thought of that story!**_

_**xoxo Kate**_


	3. Silent Night

_**I am so so so sorry for the delay! But I had been so caught up with college and the bunch of essays I had to finish!But I am done, for now anyway, and Christmas is **_**_around the corner sooo...! :)_**

**_Well, this chapter is not so happy, or Christmasy, it is set after PTSD so.. but I really needed to get it out of my system!_**

**_Disclaimer: Not mine, but in 7 days... who knows... :)_**

* * *

"Who's there?"

"El, it's Liv, buzz me in. I've brought some lunch." Elliot waved the paper bag in front of the small camera of the intercom.

Things were quiet for some seconds and then Olivia, without another word, buzzed him into the building. Elliot sighed and made his way inside and towards the elevators. As he waited for one to come, his mind travelled to some days ago when he had just came back to the office from a conference on Boston and he hadn't found Olivia there. Cragen just told him that she had taken some personal time off. But Elliot couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong. Olivia would never take time off around Christmas, because, even though she never actually admitted herself, she didn't like the idea of being in an empty house alone, on holidays. So those days, when everyone was trying to get some days off, or even some hours, to spend with family, Olivia was always the last to leave the precinct.

So Elliot went to Fin, which was her temporary partner while he was away at Boston. " It was a bad case" was all that Fin offered and it made Elliot even more worried and restless because he could tell that the other man was holding something back. But he didn't push it further, because he knew, that even if Fin would finally reveal something, Olivia would be very angry if she found out that he went like that behind her back. But he was determined to find out what was going on.

And now as he got out of the elevator on Olivia's floor, and saw her standing on her door, looking exhausted, not only physically, but emotionally too, his worry grew even more. But he didn't let it show on his face as he approached her smiling.

"Hello stranger" he said but all Olivia offered back was a tired nod as she let him into the apartment.

"I brought some Chinese for us to share. And maybe we could watch a cheesy Christmas movie?" He tried again as he placed the bag on her kitchen counter.

Olivia, who by now was almost back to the spot she was obviously sitting on the couch before Elliot's arrival, given the tangled blanket there, turned her head and looked at him with a confused expression.

"Christmas?" she asked.

"Liv, it's Christmas Eve. What did you loose track of time? That's why you haven't decorated your home yet?" he asked, trying to sound teasing. But Olivia just shrugged and sat back on the couch, throwing the blanket on her.

" I didn't feel like decorating." She said flatly

Elliot did not comment on that, instead he started taking the containers with the Chinese off the paper back.

" Shall I just bring it over there?" he asked trying hard to sound casual, but his worry was eating him up on the inside.

"Yeah, ok." Came her faint answer, and so Elliot moved with the containers from the kitchen to the living room, along with two beers he had grabbed from her fridge.

She allowed a small smile as he offered her a container with her favorite noodles. They spent some time in silence, just eating the food and watching a Christmas movie on tv.

After a while, Elliot noticed that Olivia had drifted off and when he took a look at the containers and bottle in front of her, he noticed that she had barely touched her food but she had drank the whole bottle of her beer.

She let her continue her sleep, it seemed like she desperately needed some rest, but he really was going to make her talk to him when she was going to wake up.

It was almost killing him, that something serious had happened when he was away and he hadn't been there to protect her. And on top of that, nobody was telling him anything, even though they obviously knew something. Cragen, Fin, they knew what had happened and he, her partner had absolutely no clue.

Some more time passed, the movie had ended and Elliot had started flipping around the channels, when suddenly Olivia stirred from where she was sleeping curled, on the other side of the couch. Elliot turned to look at her, but she was still again. And then, she started tossing around the blanket, with a pained expression.

"No… get off me, please!" she mumbled in a terrified voice, Elliot had never heard her speak with.

He watched her with wide eyes, unsure of what to do, but it was then than Olivia let out a horrifying scream. In little less than a second, Elliot was on her side, shaking her as gently as he could, seeing that she hadn't stopped tossing around.

"Liv… Olivia, wake up" He said, trying not to scare her. Olivia whimpered and tried to get away from his loose grip.

"Please… get off me!" she said with a pleading voice that broke Elliot's heart and sent his worries to an even higher level.

"Liv, you have to wake up" He said steadier this time and shook her some more.

Olivia then shot her eyes open and let out a gasp. She still seemed terrified as she was sitting there panting hard. Elliot hadn't let go of her hand when she woke up and now she was having it on a death grip, even though she probably hadn't realized it.

"It's okay Liv, it's okay, it was just a dream" he said soothingly as she was still panting, her chest moving up and down fast.

"Take deep breaths, that's it…" he went on as her breathing started to calm down.

After taking some seconds to calm completely, she quickly extracted her hand from Elliot's and curled back on her side of the sofa.

"It's fine, it was just a dream." She said, her voice calm and collected but she was barely making eye contact with Elliot.

"Liv…" Elliot started

"It's fine El, I'm fine." She said more sternly this time.

"Like hell you are."

She shot her head up.

"Excuse me? Where does that come from?"

Elliot sighed.

"Liv, you've barely spoken two words to me since I came here, you took time off word without telling me anything, all Fins says is that it was a bad case but I'm not buying that. Liv, please tell me what's going on with you." He pleaded.

"Elliot, I am fine. Yes it was a bad case and I had plenty of time piled up so I figured it would be nice to actually spent Christmas outside of the precinct. And today I'm just kind of tired. Did that cover all of your questions?" She asked annoyed.

"Liv, what about the nightmare? Was it about the case?" he insisted.

She huffed looking pissed.

"El, cut it, it was just a nightmare okay?"

He hated that he had to press her like that, but he needed to know, he was so worried…

"Liv, you were tossing and turning and screaming…"

At this point Olivia rose from the couch and turned her back to him.

"… you were screaming 'get off me', Liv, why?" He said, his voice almost a whisper.

Olivia, who was moving even further away from the couch and Elliot, froze on the spot.

"Get out." She said calmly, with her back still turned.

"Liv…" Elliot said pleadingly again, sitting up from the couch too.

"Get. Out. I won't repeat it." She said with a terrifying calmness.

"Liv please…" he insisted, now almost behind her. He caught him completely off guard when she turned around and started pushing him violently.

"You son of a bitch, I said GET OUT!" She almost screamed.

Elliot started backing off towards the door startled, with Olivia still yelling and pushing him. He found the doorknob and opened the door. He stepped outside the apartment and Olivia immediately slammed the door in front of him.

He stayed there a few minutes staring at the door, trying to understand what had just happened, hoping that maybe Olivia would change her mind and open the door but nothing happened. So, defeated, he walked away.

Olivia let her body slid down the door. Silent tears started to run down her cheeks, which quickly turned into violent sobs.

* * *

Some hours and several glasses of vodka later, Olivia stumbled around the living room, picked her cell from the coffee table and after some failed attempts she dialed the correct number.

Elliot navigated through the channels but without really paying any attention on what was on. Sleep was not an option either, not at least for several more hours.

He suddenly turned the tv off and tossed the remote aside. He was so angry, but not with Olivia, with himself. He had gone there with every intention to comfort her, to try and help her and he only made things worse. He was feeling truly hurt that she wouldn't confide to him, and very very worried, thinking that whatever it was, it was bad enough for her not to want to even acknowledge it.

Just when he was completely lost in his thoughts and self-blame, his cellphone rang. He glanced at it, uninterested to talk to anyone for the rest of the night, when he saw Olivia's name flashing on the screen so he quickly picked it up.

"Liv?" he asked expectantly

"_El?" _came a muffled voice from the other side of the line

"Liv are you okay?"

Silence filled the line and then…

"_Can you please come here?"_

"Sure, sure I'll be there soon Liv" Elliot said, already having lift himself from the couch and proceeding on searching around for his coat.

Twenty minutes later, he was banging Olivia's door. He could tell from the way she spoke over the phone that she was drunk, how much he didn't now and also what stupid things she may consider doing during her drunken stupor.

"Way to spend Christmas Eve" he muttered, while he heard the sound of Olivia coming closer to the door, slowly, very slowly.

The door opened and he came face to face with her.

"El…" she started her voice trembling.

Elliot moved forward into the house slightly stunned. He had never seen Olivia like this, even the times she had been drunk. He took in her appearance. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, her hair messy and she was still shaking with silent sobs.

" Come here Liv" He guided her to the couch, where she sat down and curled to its corner.

"I think it's better if you sleep a bit, so as to sober up" he suggested when he saw her picking up again her glass and drinking.

"No…" came the breathless answer. "… I can't do this otherwise El… and I need to… I really need to…" she said, desperation filling her voice, a desperation that Elliot never had heard his partner talk with.

"Liv, what? What do you want to talk to me about? Whatever it is, you know I can take it…"

She remained silent for some moments, and then Elliot saw her lips moving, forming a word, the word Elliot knew deep inside was what made her that mess tonight, but he couldn't understand why, why now.

"Sealview" Olivia whispered.

Elliot moved carefully closer to her, so as not to invade her personal space.

"Liv… what happened there?" he asked softly, mentally preparing himself for the worst.

Olivia shook her head frantically.

"Liv…" Elliot said again with an encouraging tone.

"He… didn't…. he didn't rape me. He tried hard, I tried to escape but he chased me, I hid but he found me and then… he handcuffed me to the door and he said… "Bite me and your dead" but then… Fin came and…" she took a deep breath and wipe some of the tears that were running down her cheeks.

"He didn't rape me" she said again, her voice almost a whisper "But he came so close…"

As much Elliot had prepared himself and despite Olivia telling him that the unthinkable hadn't happened, that Fin got there on time, Elliot felt numb. And then… a sudden anger started boiling inside him, a sudden urge to go and rip Lowel Harris in half. But for Olivia's shake, who was now shaking again with silent sobs, he pulled himself together.

"Did you get help?" he asked gently

Olivia nodded and then let out a bitter laugh.

"Yes, but that's kind of what brought me here today…" Noticing Elliot's confused look, she took another ship of vodka, and let it slowly burn her insides before continuing.

"That case Fin and I got, when you were away, my rape crisis counselor got me into it, the victim was one of her patients. She was pregnant… with her rapists baby. And just when I was thinking that things were going better, I started having flashbacks again, I was feeling again out of control to the point…." She took another ship from her glass and went on.

"… To the point that when we went to pick up a suspect, and we caught him in the middle of a fight, I… I lost it and I put my gun to his head. I could have killed him El…. I could…." Her sobs weren't silent anymore, and she dropped the glass to the table beside her and buried her face on her lap crying.

Elliot then, still trying to overcome the shock of all the things he had just heard, reached closer and started rubbing her back. To his surprise, instead of backing away, she tangled her hands around his neck and buried her head on the crook of his neck and stayed there crying.

Not knowing what else to do, Elliot went on rubbing her back gently.

"It's okay Liv, it's going to get better you'll see…" he whispered soothingly.

Suddenly Olivia extracted her tear strained face from his neck.

"What if it won't get better. What if… I'll end up like her?" she whispered and even though she hadn't said her name, Elliot knew that Olivia was talking about her mother.

"Liv you are nothing like you mother…" he started saying

"You think? Look what happened to me! Look how I am dealing with this!" she almost yelled waving at the direction of the almost empty glass of vodka. With a sudden angry move, she raised herself from the couch and kicked the glass away with her hand, which ended up on the floor, crashing into pieces.

A wave of dizziness overcame her due to the sudden move and her drunken state and so she fell back to the couch.

"Liv… Liv please…" Elliot pleaded

"And you know what's the most ironic thing? That I need her. I need her to be here with me now. But she isn't… She can't be…. And so here I am, on Christmas Eve, sitting alone and drinking… If I can't bring her back, I might as well try and become her. Right?" she slurred her words.

"Olivia listen to me" Elliot said with a steady voice, reaching to hold her arms reassuringly.

"You are not your mother. You will get through this. You will. And I will be here right beside you in every way that I can."

He looked into her warm chocolate eyes that were red from all the crying.

" I want my mom El." She almost pleaded. "Where is my mom?" she asked with a trembling voice. "Mommy…" she said again, before passing out.

Elliot sighed and tried to hold back her own tears. It was heart-breaking seeing Olivia, his partner, his best friend, like this. But she needed him, she needed him now more than ever and he wasn't going to let her down.

He gently scooped her up into his arms and carried her on her bedroom where he laid her on the bed and covered her with a warm blanket. He stood there watching her sleeping form before turning his gaze outside the window, onto the lighted Manhattan. Snow had starting falling, covering everything. With another look at Olivia, he turned his back and went back on the couch where he opened the tv, in an attempt to let his mind forget a bit.

* * *

Some hours later, he opened his eyes, hearing movements. He turned and saw Olivia standing at the door of the living room, staring at him with a strange look in her eyes.

" I guess I didn't imagine everything, I woke up remembering." She said in a quiet voice.

Elliot sat up on the couch but before he was able to give her an answer, she moved and sat beside him.

" I told you everything, didn't I." It wasn't a question, just a statement.

"Yes, Liv but…" Elliot sat closer to her as she turned and looked at him with tired eyes.

"… But I'm glad you did. I am here for you, I want you to know that. You can say whatever you want, you can act however you like, I'm not judging. I want to help you get past this. And I know you will." He told her sincerely

She rubbed her eyebrow and offered a small smile.

"I'm glad I talked to you. I really am. I was drunk but I knew, kind of, what I was doing. Alcohol gave me the courage. But that's where it stops" She said and rose from the couch.

Elliot watched her as she picked up the empty bottle of vodka and then went on self in her kitchen where other bottles of liquor laid, opened a plastic bag and threw them inside.

"For good measure" She said with a confidence, Elliot hadn't heard her talking with, a long time now.

Suddenly she froze.

"It's Christmas" Olivia said as realization hit her. "Shouldn't you be with your kids, with your family?"

Elliot smiled and sat up from the couch too.

"I'll get to take them out for ice skating later this afternoon, and by the way you are very welcome to join us." He said as he stepped into the kitchen and closer to her.

"El, I really shouldn't, this is your time with your kids…"

"Which would be thrilled to see you. Olivia…" he said staring down at her eyes.

They stood almost inches apart, feeling each other's hot breath onto their neck. Blue met brown and in an intense moment, something happened and suddenly Elliot's lips came crushing to Olivia's and soon they were tangled into a hot passionate kiss.

They broke apart, both out of breath.

"I don't know what happened here, but it was good. Very good" Olivia said panting slightly, her cheeks red.

"Do you want a repeat performance?" Elliot mumbled seductively into her ear.

"Ohh yes please…" she mumbled and his lips came crushing into hers one more time.

When they broke apart again, Elliot scooped Olivia closer to him.

"I want you to know, that this isn't just a fling, this is…"

"…Real, I know. I feel it." She said and smiled.

He smiled too and hugged her tight.

"Merry Christmas Liv." He mumbled burying his face on her soft brown locks.

"It will be, Elliot. The best of my life" Olivia said and as the stood like that hugging each other tightly, she couldn't help but think, that she was getting there, everything will be okay after all.

_**I hope you like it :) Next up, something more **_**_cheerful! Olivia and Elliot are trapped on a cabin into the woods due to a blizzard on Christmas Eve, when something very unexpected happens! Something that gives them the chance to go down the memory lane... :)_**

**_Sooo do no forget to review and tell me what you think!_**

**_Untill next time xoxo Kate_**


	4. A Christmas Carol

_**Merry Christmas everyone! I hope that you are enjoying the holidays! **_

_**This story, is a special one. It is based on the very well known tale of Charles Dickens and my personal favorite, "A Christmas Carol". I bet most of you are familiar with the plot. This one shot is based on it and obviously, the things that happen there would never happen in real life. I tried really hard to not make it stupid or a bad copy of the original. I really hope that you'll enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope that you won't find it stupid or think "What are we, 5 year olds?" It's Christmas after all... ;)**_

_**Disclaimer: i do not own Law & Order SVU or Charles Dickens's "A Christmas Carol"**_

* * *

Olivia Benson disliked Christmas with a passion. She would roll her eyes seeing the decorated shop windows, groan hearing the carols, and give the evil eye to any of her coworkers, who would suggest, something as tremendous as, joining them on the precinct's annual Christmas party.

And this year was obviously no exception. So when, on Christmas Eve, at 6 pm, Cragen stuck his head out of his office and stared at the empty precinct, only to find Olivia still on her desk, her eyes glued on the screen of her computer, he let out a sigh.

"Liv, go home. There's no reason for you to still be here today at this time…"

"Like there's a reason for me to be home." She mumbled, her eyes still glued at the screen of her computer.

"Liv, go home. It's an order." Cragen said again, sternly but also gently.

It was Olivia's turn to let out a sigh. She slowly rose from her chair, put on her coat and walked past her Captain and towards the exit of the squad room.

"And Liv" Cragen said, before she was completely out of his eyesight. "Merry Christmas."

She let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, sure" she mumbled without even bothering to turn and face him.

Just as she was exiting the building, her phone rang. She took it out of her pocket and huffed when she saw Casey's name flashing on the screen.

"Hello? Thanks Casey but I'm not really in the mood… Yes I know that it's Christmas Eve but I'm very tired and all I want is to go home and take a long hot bath…I'm sure you'll have fun without me Case… Listen I gotta go, yeah… Merry Christmas to you too." She hung up and sighed as she went on walking down the street.

As she kept passing by lighted and decorated shops and people chatting happily about their Christmas plans, she couldn't help but feel a little pissed. Christmas was nothing more than a totally commercialized and materialistic holiday and she couldn't understand why people were so hype about it.

Even Elliot. He had suggested to her, to spend Christmas Eve together since his kids were spending it with their mother and he didn't have any special plans about it. But she had turned him down. She'd rather spend that day alone, because to her, Christmas Eve was just another day. Elliot insisted, Olivia got pissed and they ended up fighting.

* * *

After a long walk on the cold streets, she opened the door of her apartment. She quickly made her way into her bedroom, tossed her clothes on the bed and went into the bathroom to run the much-needed hot bath.

After soaking for almost an hour on the bathtub, she got out, dried herself, got into her pyjamas and made her way back to the living room, where she laid on the sofa, wrapped with a blanket.

And that's how she intended to spend her Christmas Eve. Watching cheesy movies and maybe eating some take-out.

But after a while, she felt her eyes heavy and she drifted off.

She opened them after what it seemed to her, only a minute, but when she looked at her watch, she saw that it was midnight.

Suddenly, she felt something moving across the room and she sat immediately up, fully awake now. Her eyes fell on a lighted figure that it was moving towards her, illuminating the whole room. She was wearing a long white dress, just like the ones Olivia remembered her in, when she was little. Even though she had this unearthly glow, she seemed so real, so… human. Olivia stood frozen watching, as slowly, her mother came into view, smiling at her.

"Livvy honey, I missed you so much." She said standing now beside her daughter.

"Mom? This can't be real, I am obviously dreaming…" Olivia said in disbelief.

"Olivia you are not dreaming but you have to listen carefully, because I don't have much time." Her mother said with a worried look.

Olivia just stared at her mother, thinking that since that was obviously a dream, it wouldn't hurt to listen. Also, she admitted to herself, that she had missed her mother so it was nice to have her for some minutes, even like that.

"You let your life become empty Olivia. This is mostly my fault and I'm paying for it, I will be paying it forever. But you still have time, you still have a chance to change some things Livvy. You have to give yourself the chance I did not give to myself, I did not give to you…" Serena said and raised her hand to caress Olivia's cheek.

"Mom… I like my life, I chose it…" she said defensively. Serena gave her a sad smile.

" Take the chance Olivia, you deserve it. Tonight, you will be visited by three spirits. They will help you see and understand, they'll help you be happier, because you deserve it sweetheart."

"Mom, what are you talking about? What spirits?" Olivia asked, her eyes opening wide. "There's no such thing as…" she went on saying but then her mother moved closer and cupped Olivia's face with both hands.

"Take the chance Olivia" she said, her voice sounding suddenly distant. And then, just like that, her already lighted figure lit up even more to the point that Olivia had to close her eyes to bare it. When she opened them again, she was alone in her barely lighten living room.

"A dream. It was just a dream." She mumbled, trying to sound and feel sure. She laid back on the couch and with the tv playing silently on the background, she drifted off once again.

* * *

She woke some time later with a strange feeling. She looked at her watch and saw that it was 1 a.m. She stretched a bit, trying to shake the feeling away but then she saw it. A small figure moving towards her. For some reason, she didn't stir, she didn't feel fear, it felt as if she was expecting this to happen and yet she had never felt so strange in her life.

When the creature came closer, Olivia realized that it was a young girl that had long blonde curls and blue eyes. She was wearing a long white dress. The girl looked up and smiled to Olivia who was still out of words.

" I am the Ghost of Christmas Past." The girl's soft dreamy voice filled the room. "Together, we are going to travel through some of your past Christmases. You should not be afraid of me." She said smiling softly.

Olivia sat up on the couch.

" I am not afraid of you. But I really have a hard time understanding this. Why is this happening?" she asked, herself more than the Ghost. But the girl just smiled.

"Get up and follow me." She said and Olivia complied, curiosity and a strange sense of excitement, rising inside her.

They both walked towards the closed window that suddenly opened wide. The sounds of the city filled the quiet room and Olivia looked the Ghost confused.

"Take my hand" the Ghost said raising her hand for Olivia.

Olivia looked at the opened window and then at the girl's hand and realization hit her.

"You know that I can't fly right?" she asked

"Take my hand and don't be afraid" the Ghost said again.

Without thinking it again, Olivia took the girl's hand and together, they stepped closer to the window.

A second later, the apartment vanished and Olivia found herself flying above the lighted city, her hand always linked with the Ghost's. She couldn't help but smile as the lights of New York went flying past above them, creating a big multicolored mess.

Suddenly, as they were coming closer and closer to a building they slowed down. When Olivia took a better look at it, the smile vanished from her face.

"Why are you bringing me here? I don't think I want to come here ever again." She said shaking her head as they reached the height of an open window.

"You have to understand Olivia." The Ghost said and nodded to her to look through the window and inside the small apartment.

Olivia turned to look, as an unpleasant feeling filled her heart, at her six year-old self dressed in a velvet red dress, tugging at her mother's sleeve, who was passed out on the couch, a couple of empty bottles around her.

"Mommy…mommy wake up it's Christmas" little Olivia said impatiently as she kept shaking her mother. After a bit, Serena opened her eyes and groaned.

"Olivia, why on earth are you waking me up?" she moaned pulling away her arm from her daughter.

"It's Christmas mommy, let's see if Santa came!" little Olivia said excitedly staring at her mother with her big brown eyes.

"Olivia, there's no thing as Santa, and Christmas is really just another day. Now stop being annoying and let me get some sleep." She said and with that, she closed her eyes again, leaving Olivia staring at her, her big eyes now filled with tears and disappointment written all over her face.

"But… I even wore my pretty dress" she mumbled, but Serena was passed out again and so Olivia walked away crying silently.

Adult Olivia had tears running down her face too.

"Why are you showing this to me? I don't want to… I don't want to think of it." She mumbled wiping away her tears.

"You were so disappointed that day and for many years after that you did everything you could to just avoid Christmas…" the Ghost said and then, the scenery changed. Olivia looked around her only to see that she was at the hall of her high school. In a corner, she saw a teenaged version of herself reading from a textbook. She went closer as another girl reached her teenaged self.

"Hey Liv, you're coming at the party tonight right?" the girl asked smiling

" I don't really think so Kirsten, I'm sorry."

Olivia watched as teenage Olivia put the textbook back into the backpack lying on her feet.

"But it's Christmas Liv! The whole class would be there!" Kirsten said excitedly.

"Christmas and I just don't mix well, so I'm just going to go home and watch a movie or something."

Kirsten reached and touched Olivia on the shoulder as she was leaning to grab her backpack and leave.

"Exactly because it's Christmas Liv, you shouldn't be alone. Come on, we'll have fun. I heard that maybe some of the guys of the football team are coming" Kirsten said and winked at her. Olivia sighed but smiled.

"Okay." She said after some seconds. "But only because of the guys of the football team" she said smiling wide now and Kirsten laughed.

Adult Olivia watched as the two girls left together, laughing.

" It was the first happy Christmas of my life. It was the first time that I felt that someone cared about me. Kirsten and I had been good friends ever since. We still talk some times" she said and smiled herself at the memory. She turned to find the Ghost smiling softly too and extended her hand one more time. Olivia took it and the scenery changed once again.

She looked around and saw her almost ten years younger self, sitting at her office on the 1-6 precinct. Across her, Elliot was sitting up from his chair.

"Out already?" her younger self asked with a smile.

"Yeah, we got to do some last minute Christmas shopping with Kathy and then we're having dinner with the kids, play some games… a typical Christmas Eve" he said smiling. "What about you? Any plans for tonight?"

"Ahh, yeah… I'm meeting with some friends for drinks" Olivia said rubbing her eyebrow and avoiding eye contact with him.

"Have a good time Liv. Merry Christmas"

"Merry Christmas to you too El." She said finally looking up at him with a small smile. She watched him as he exited the precinct and sighed. Then she returned back to her work.

"I lied to him, this time and many others. I just didn't want him to feel sorry for me. I never did anything for Christmas or Christmas Eve…" she said smiling sadly.

" It was okay, until you started working on this unit. Then, the horror and the sorrow you faced every day made you lose the small amount of hope and happiness towards Christmas" The Ghost said.

" I see the worst face of this world every day. Hope just isn't an option anymore. Sometimes I look myself in the mirror and I wonder…" Olivia said shaking her head

"Come. It's time to go home Olivia" She heard the Ghost saying and suddenly everything vanished.

Olivia blinked once, only to find herself on her couch and her dark apartment. She reached for the blanket that had fell on the floor and wrapped it around her tightly. What a memory lane… she thought. She looked outside the window above the couch. Snow had started falling softly.

" I wonder what else awaits me tonight…" she mumbled as her eyes closed.

* * *

She woke up to a beeping sound. She opened her eyes and looked around trying to find the source of the noise. When she realized that it was coming from the kitchen she rose from the couch and walk towards it. She looked at her watch. It was 2 a.m.

She then looked inside the kitchen and her eyes opened wide in surprise, when she saw a good looking man standing there. He was wearing an expensive suit and was holding a briefcase on his one hand and an IPhone on his other, which was the source of the beeping sound, as the man was typing fast something on it. As if he had sensed her present, he stopped and looked up at her, flashing her a perfect smile.

"Hello Olivia. I am the Ghost of Christmas Present" he said in a cheery salesman voice. "Come closer, we have some places to visit tonight" he said and winked at her.

Olivia, who by now, had thought that it would be better to accept what was happening to her as it is, she stepped into the kitchen and

"You don't really look like a spirit" Olivia informed him flatly. The Ghost turned and looked at her with surprise.

"Me? Oh you should have seen some of my brothers… One had piercings all over his face and purple hair and another one wore headbands and pink shirts with half the buttons opened! Pink shirts! Can you imagine?" the Ghost said shaking his head with a disapproving expression.

"You have brothers?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"Yes! 2011 of them! Now shall we go? We've got places to visit dear Olivia." He said looking at his phone once more.

Olivia sighed.

"Okay, let's do this" she said as she went to stand right beside him. The Ghost looked at her flashing another million dollar smile and suddenly, Olivia felt the floor moving. It kept moving, until she felt it levitating. She looked down and gasped. The floor had become invisible and now she was looking once more, down at the lighted Manhattan.

After a while, the room started lowering above a building, and kept lowering until the building swallowed the room and Olivia found herself staring down at a bar.

"You ditched your friends tonight." She heard the ghost saying with a cheery voice and when she looked better down at the crowded room, she noticed an all too familiar group. Olivia walked on the invisible floor and went closer to them.

"Have you heard from Liv?" Fin asked. Casey shook her head negatively as she was drinking her beer.

"Nope. I tried to make her come for drinks with me last night but she said she just wanted to get some rest. I figured she will be here with you guys today."

Munch huffed.

"Yeah, as if." He said sarcastically and Casey looked at him confused.

"It's the same thing every year. Liv says she'll come and the last minute she comes up with a lame excuse." Fin explained to her. "Truth is, I don't really think she's into Christmas."

Munch snorted and the other two turned and looked at him.

"That's an understatement. Liv hates Christmas. I don't really blame her. I would hate them too if I had spent my entire childhood Christmases with an alcoholic, whose idea of holiday fun was to be passed out on the couch." He said taking another sip from his beer. When he noticed the confused looks on Casey's and Fin's faces, he shrugged.

"She became a bit too talkative after the fourth beer, one day we had gone for drinks after work" he said with a small grin.

"Oh God. Poor Liv. No wonder she hates Christmas so much." Casey said in a sad voice.

" Still, it's a shame that's she's spending it all alone. It's not like she has any family…" Munch said.

"What about Stabler? Where is he tonight?" Casey asked

"He's got the kids all day today." Fin informed her.

"I can't believe that he had never tried to convince her to do something for Christmas." Casey said.

"Oh he had. Plenty of times, trust me. And each and every one of them ended up on a fight. And of course, this year was no exception." Fin said playing with the glass on his hand.

"God, she can be so stubborn some times." Munch said sighing loud.

"Still, I feel sorry for her, spending Christmas all alone…" Casey said and the other two nodded in agreement.

Olivia stepped back and away from the small group.

"I… I don't want them to feel sorry for me… I am perfectly fine spending Christmas like that…" she mumbled trying to wipe away the tears that threatened to escape her eyelids.

"Oh but they do dear Olivia… They feel sorry for you and they pity you because you gave them the right to. You are always so stubborn, you can't accept even the smallest glimpse of help, even when it's coming from your own friends!" The Ghost said in playful, sarcastic manner as the flying room exited the bar and started moving around town again.

Olivia was too busy trying not to cry that she didn't notice the apartment they had entered. When she finally looked around, she noticed a man sitting on the couch in front of the TV, whose light was the only one in the room.

"Elliot? He was supposed to have his kids on Christmas day." She said sniffing and wiping away some tears.

"His ex-wife decided on the last minute to take them to their grandmother on Florida."

"And he is alone? Why didn't he join the others at the bar?" Olivia asked.

The Ghost turned and looked at her with a teasing smile.

"You are both very stubborn people dear Olivia. He preferred to stay here and pretend that everything is fine, rather than just swallow his pride and admit to the others that his ex-wife tricked him one more time. And on top of that, in the thought that he might see you at the bar…" The Ghost said with a small laugh.

"But why? What that's supposed to mean?" Olivia asked confused.

"You two are one of a kind, aren't you? And so perfect for each other… I guess we'll have to wait and see how this is going to turn out…" The Ghost said and suddenly his voice started sounding distant. Olivia managed to looked one last time at Elliot's humped figure, before her flying kitchen started spinning around. It went on spinning until it exploded into tiny pieces, along with the Ghost. Olivia screamed and covered her head with her hands.

When she uncovered her head and she was able to see again, she found herself at the precinct. A chill went down her spine, noticing that it wasn't buzzing as usual and even though it was filled with people, it was dead silent.

She looked around trying to spot herself or Elliot but found neither. She watched instead, as Fin and Munch were sitting on their desks with dark expressions. She looked again around and noticed more than a few people walking around with tear stained faces.

The door of Cragen's office opened and he came out in his full uniform. Olivia shivered. Something wasn't right. Everyone was so silent and Cragen was wearing his uniform. That could only mean….

Before she was able to find out more, everything went dark

"Wait! I have to find out! Is someone dead? Please! Somebody help me here!" She yelled desperately.

Everything started spinning again. Olivia curled into a ball, trying to avoid getting dizzy or falling. When the spinning stopped, Olivia opened her eyes and as she took in the scenery around her, she started shivering uncontrollably. Just then, she saw a hooded figure stepping closer to her. She stood there, unable to move or form any words, as the figure came closer.

"Are… are you the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?" she managed to say when the figure came and stood in front of her. When she didn't receive any answer, she gathered some more courage and spoke again.

"Please… I need to know… why are we on a cemetery? Who is dead? Please…"

The Ghost silently nodded at the direction of a small group, that had suddenly appeared from the shadows. Olivia run towards them, desperate for some answers.

"I don't understand… How did this happen?" Casey said in a choked voice, tears running down her face.

"He was on call that day and a victim called, saying that her ex-husband had broke into her house and was threatening to shoot her if she didn't drop the charges of battery against him. Elliot was the first there… But the man was totally out of control and help came late…. He was alone there… and the man just…shoot him" Fin said trying to hold back his own tears.

"He was on call on Christmas day? And what about Olivia? Where was she?" Casey asked still sobbing.

"She was supposed to be on call too but she and Elliot fought again the previous day, as usual on Christmas, and she decided to take the day completely off…" Munch said looking on the ground.

" If she had… If she had been there with him… would he… would he still be alive?" Casey asked with a surprised expression.

"Maybe… or they could both be dead…" Fin pointed out.

"Where is Liv? Why she didn't come? I can't believe she didn't come to Elliot's funeral…" Casey said choking back a sob.

"From the moment Cragen told her the news, no one has heard from her. She isn't answering her phone, she isn't at her apartment… It is as if she disappeared from the face of earth." Munch said shaking his head.

"God, this must be so hard on her… I don't think she will ever get past it… She will ever be haunted with the what ifs…. With the thought that maybe, if she had been there…"

"Things would probably be very different now" Munch finished her phrase with a dark look.

And with those words, the group disappeared into thin air. Olivia fell on her knees and she started sobbing . Not only Elliot was dead but she was responsible for his death… If this was her future, why bother going on? Because she knew, that life without Elliot just wasn't life… And all this because of a stupid fight.

" I have to stop this, no this can't happen…" she mumbled to herself as she kept crying hard. She felt the shadow of the Ghost falling on her. She raised her head and looked at the hooded figure.

"Ghost please! This can't happen! Elliot can't die! No… Tell me that I have a chance, tell me that I have a chance to change things! I get it! I get it now! It took me so long but I understand now! I was in pain and so lonely for so long that I forgot how it feels to be loved… And when, on the happiest time of the year my friends tried to show me love, I threw it away, I was throwing it away constantly and not only on Christmas! But I was trying to protect myself from false expectations, I didn't want to get hurt again… But I screwed up so much and now Elliot is dead, the man I love more than life itself is dead! So Ghost I'm beginning you… tell me that all this is not already written and there is a chance that it will change! That is a glimpse of what might happen and it can be changed, please!" Olivia pleaded unable to see anymore from the tears.

The earth then started shaking and cracking and Olivia felt herself falling and falling… Until she landed somewhere. She opened her eyes and found herself back on her couch. Light was coming through the curtains from the window above her. Olivia quickly sat up and opened the curtains, letting the light fill the room completely. She looked at her watch. 9 a.m 25th of December.

"It's Christmas." She said "It's Christmas and nothing terrible had happened yet! I still have time!" She said happily and stormed into her bedroom.

An hour later she was jumping up the stairs of an all too familiar building. When she reached his apartment, she took a deep breath and knocked on the door. After some moments, she heard slow steps and then Elliot opened the door, looking tired and sad.

"Hey" she said shyly. "Merry Christmas"

"What are you doing here Liv?" he said sounding slightly pissed.

Olivia took a deep breath and looked directly into his piercing blue eyes.

" I wanted to say that I'm sorry… and I wanted to do this" she said and without further hesitation she brought her lips onto his.

Elliot stood there for a second looking surprised, but only for a second, and then he returned the kiss with the same ferocity, if not more. They stood like that on his doorstep for some minutes, engaged into a passionate kiss. When they broke apart, gasping for breath, Olivia leaned closer to him.

" You are my everything. I tip toed around it for a very long time, with stupid fights and meaningless words… But I'm telling you now, that you were right and I was wrong. Christmas is great and I want to spend the rest Christmases of my life with you…I love you Elliot." She whispered into his ear and then turned her gaze to his eyes. His look was unreadable.

"What are you thinking?" She asked anxiously.

His face then broke into a smile.

"It may sound cheesy and corny and stupid but… all I want for Christmas… is you. I love you Olivia" he said and kissed her again.

* * *

That evening, after spending the whole day to his apartment making love, Elliot and Olivia stepped inside Maloney's and waved at a small group at the corner.

"Merry Christmas everyone!" Olivia said happily and laughed at their surprised faces.

"I thought none of you was coming." Fin said after some moments, still looking surprised.

"Change of plans I guess" Elliot said shrugging.

"Well, I think that a lot of plans changed" Casey said pointing at Olivia and Elliot's linked hands.

"Nah, that one sounded like the plan for, what, ten years now?" Munch exclaimed a bit teasingly. They all laughed and proceeded to take their seats around the table and spend their Christmas night, happy and carefree with their friends.

And as Olivia was laughing at one of Munch's stupid jokes, she couldn't help but think that maybe, even in the darkest times, when everything seems hopeless and done, love and light and happiness can be found…

* * *

_**I hope that you enjoyed the story!**_

_**I'm thinking doing maybe two more one shots that will include New Year's Eve too since it's around the corner! What do you think about **_**_that? :) _**

**_So... until next time review!_**

**_Merry Christmas again everyone! :) :)_**

**_xoxo Kate_**


	5. Home

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!**  
_

_**This is the last one shot of this story! **_

_**Also, I can't wait for it to be morning so I can watch the new SVU episode!**_

_**Ohh I have some SVU rambling: I was going through some pictures from the episode where Olivia and Haden wake up in bed **_**_together, and I noticed a bottle of wine and two glasses on the bedside... the exact same that were on season's 14th premiere! It might just be a stupid thing but it might also mean that it was Haden with Olivia on the bed! Oh Gosh, I just wish they would stop torturing us and let us know what went on that night!_**

**_Disclaimer: Nooope, not even close._**

**_Lyrics: Waiting by Norah Jones_**

* * *

_Hush now, watch the stars fall_

_Into a fire wall_

_I am waiting here_

_Waiting for you to come home_

December 31st 11:58 pm

He watches the city lights and wonders, which one might belong to her. He closes his eyes and wishes that every single obstacle, literally and metaphorically would somehow vanish so he could finally reach her…

December 31st 11:59 pm

She stares at the object in her hands and then back at the clock that is sitting in front of her in the table. One more minute. She sighs and thinks that this might be the longest minute of her life.

January 1st 12:00 am

He closes the door behind him and sits still for a moment, listening to the fireworks in the distance. He turns and stares at his reflection at the window of the hallway mixed with the multicolored fireworks and wonders how far away one can go to finally let his tears fall free.

January 1st 12:00 am

She wipes away some tears and throws the stick at the table. This is it, she thinks. New year, new beginning. She takes some deep breaths and starts pacing up and down the living room. You can do this, she whispers again and again to herself. She stops pacing and looks outside the window to the lighted from the fireworks sky. You can do this, she whispers one more time and the tears run freely down her cheeks once more.

* * *

_A year later…_

_Sinking embers glow_

_Melting icy snow_

_And I am waiting here_

_Waiting for you to come home_

December 31st

9:00 am

Elliot gazed around taking everything in. Manhattan looked exactly as he had left it a year ago. The noise on the streets, the traffic and the yelling of the people passing by. Smiling he walked up the stairs and into his building, trying hard not to think about that thing, or rather, that someone that hasn't left his mind a year now.

10:00 am

Olivia opened her eyes at the muffled sound coming from the crib beside her bed. Knowing that before long it would turn into loud cries, she rushed to get out of bed. Leaning above the crib, she could not help but smile at the sight of her four-month-old daughter.

"Hey there baby girl" She cooed placing the infant against her torso. "Are you hungry? Yes you are. Mommy hears you. The whole building will hear you if mommy doesn't rush, right?" she said softly while unbuttoning her shirt with one hand when with the other she's trying to soothe her daughter's annoyed cries. When she had finally freed her breast and the baby latched and started sucking hungrily.

"Easy there Chloey…There's plenty and it's all for you" Olivia chuckles. "So what do you say we go for some grocery shopping? Because you may have everything you need here but mommy is going to starve." she went on, trailing Chloe's soft cheek with her finger.

12:30 pm

She was trying to maneuver two grocery bags and the stroller inside her building when she heard someone calling her name. Totally distracted with her efforts she just turned her head to see who it was. And then she saw him. He was standing at the base of the entrance stairs. He looked tired, thinner, even older, but it was him. It was Elliot.

She stood stunned with the bags hanging from her one hand but having the stroller where her sleeping daughter lay, on a death grip with the other, she watched him climbing slowly the stairs and approaching her.

"No… it isn't truth, no…" She said shaking her head when he came and stood beside her.

"Liv, it is… I am here." Elliot said and raised her hand to touch her but Olivia backed away. They stood in silence examining each other for some minutes, until Elliot's gaze fell at the stroller and Olivia's heart dropped.

"Olivia… did you have…"

Before he was able to finish his question, Olivia had pushed the entrance open at had proceeded on putting the stroller in.

"No." she said firmly "No. Go away Elliot. I want nothing to do with you" she said and slammed the entrance door on his face. She could hear him banging on the door while she was making her way to the elevator.

When she was inside, she took a deep breath but a few hot tears had already escaped her eyelids. Chloe had woke up and started fussing and so Olivia leaned forward the stroller dropping one bag on the way.

"Shit" She mumbled "Hey baby it's okay, shhh, we'll be home soon" She tried to sound as calm as possible, but her voice was shaking uncontrollably and more tears were running down her face. Chloe as if she had sensed her mother's discomfort, she started crying softly.

By the time they had reached their apartment door, Chloe was crying loudly. Olivia with trembling hands searched through her purse for the key but it wasn't an easy task to do while holding two bags, so she let them drop on the floor. Chloe's cries were echoing on the empty hall and Olivia heard a door opening.

"Make that damn baby stop! it keeps screaming through the night, now it has to scream on the hall too?" She heard her neighbor yelling. Olivia turn to face the annoyed man, while still searching for her keys.

"I'm sorry but she's a baby and that's what babies do, they cry!" She said with a trembling voice with tears running down her face. She finally found her keys and unlocked the door quickly. She went inside and closed the door, while her neighbor was still mumbling curses.

Olivia then immediately picked her screaming daughter up and brought her to her chest.

"It's okay baby, it's okay Chloey, mommy's here, everything is going to be alright." She cooed whipping away her tears. Only, she thought, she was lying through her teeth to her daughter. It was not going to be okay.

Elliot took one last look at Olivia's window and started walking away from her building. He couldn't really blame her. He was gone for a year, he had left without a word. After the shooting he just lost it. He became so distant at home, to the point where Kathy couldn't take it anymore and asked him to move out. He did and then turned his papers in. He needed to be alone, he needed to be away from everything. One night, he went to Olivia's. They hadn't talked since the shooting, he kept avoiding her calls. But that night, something dragged him to her door.

"_Hey" her greeting was cold but she made way for him to get in. He walked in and stood in front of her. She looked at him with an expectant look._

"_Everything is falling apart" he said and suddenly her heart melted, she couldn't be angry with him, not for that. He was avoiding her for almost three weeks but now he was there and that was all that mattered._

"_I'm here for you El. You have to know that." She said placing a hand on his shoulder. He just stared at her with those crystal blue eyes she had fallen in love with from the moment she first saw him._

"_I wish it could just be easier, you know?" he whispered finally, leaning closer._

_One moment she was feeling his hot breath on her skin and the next, his lips were crushing on hers_

"_What are we doing?" he asked several hours later as they were laying naked on her bed._

" _I don't know, but it feels so right." She mumbled burying her head on his chest._

_She woke up some hours later on an empty bed._

_Two weeks later, on New Year's Eve, after having isolate himself from everyone completely, Elliot decided to leave New York for good. The same night, Olivia found out that she was pregnant._

_And I watch them burn_

_When will I ever learn?_

_If I wait it doesn't mean_

_You will return_

* * *

8:00 pm

Olivia kept pacing up and down her small living room. She looked at Chloe who was sleeping on her carrier and sighed. He had left her, he had left her pregnant and scared and alone. She kept calling him for weeks after she found his note slipped under her door. Even now, a year later, she could not take the five words out of her mind.

_I'm sorry, I love you._

And now he was back, just like that, and what he expected? That she would fall into his arms and pretend that the last year never happened? Only it happened, and she could never forget this year. Because she gave birth to Chloe this year. Because she gave birth to his daughter.

He kicked one box at the corner of the living room. He looked around. The whole apartment was a mess. Unopened boxes everywhere that he didn't even tried to unpack this morning when he arrived. The only thing on his mind was Olivia. And now after wondering around Manhattan for hours after she had slammed her door on his face, he was home. Home. But was it really home? After a year of travelling around Europe, he had come to believe that home was where his heart was. And he had given his heart a long time ago to her.

And the baby? Could it be his? Could he had run away leaving Olivia pregnant with his child?

He kicked the box again and threw his face on his hands.

11:30 pm

Olivia looked at Chloe who was strapped on her chest and was sleeping peacefully. Her daughter was her world. She had been from the moment she saw her on that very first ultrasound. She was her world and she deserved to have everything that Olivia never had. Now it was not only about her, it was about Chloe too. She took a deep breath and closed the door of her apartment behind her.

Elliot opened the door of his building and started walking fast. He could not abandon Olivia, he could not abandon that little baby. He loved her and she needed to tell her, she needed to know that he would never leave again.

11:45 pm

Olivia run past yet another group of half-drunk people. New York City on New Year's Eve was a mess. It was impossible to find a taxi and so she decided to walk to Elliot's apartment, hoping that Chloe would not wake up screaming.

11:50 pm

Elliot bumped into yet another person and kept going without even think to stop for an apology. He had to make it there, it wouldn't be long…

11:55 pm

Olivia started running as fast as the extra weight of her daughter allowed her. She ran and ran until she was out of breath. Cursing silently the extra weight she had yet to loose since Chloe's birth, she stopped panting.

11:59:30 pm

He could hear the crowd on Time's Square counting down. Elliot sped up and then, just like that, he stopped dead on his feet.

The crowd was yelling, people were walking past her, but her eyes were fixed on him. She silently started counting down with the crowd while she walked slowly towards him

10…

9…

8…

7…

He covered the last feet between them and came to stand in front of her.

6…

5…

4…

3…

_Now all the stars have gone_

_Faded into cracks of dawn_

_And I'm still waiting here_

_Waiting for you to come home_

Their eyes met and just like that, all the pain and sorrow and fear was erased.

2…

1.

Their lips met and as the people around cheered, they kissed passionately making up for all the lost time, all the unsaid words.

They broke apart and Elliot smiled but Olivia had tears on her eyes.

"Oh God, Elliot, she's yours. Chloe is your daughter. I was so scared and you were gone and…"

"I know and I am so sorry Liv. But I'm here now. And I would never leave again. I would never leave you again, both of you." He said and stroked the cheek of his sleeping daughter.

"She's beautiful Liv." He marveled.

Olivia smiled and leaned so as their foreheads were touching.

"She has your eyes." She whispered.

"Shall we go home?" Elliot asked and Olivia nodded.

They walked together holding hands through the people that were celebrating the New Year thinking that this year and every year to follow would be good, really good. Because they would be together. They would be home.

* * *

_**I really hope that you liked it! I added the lyrics of this wonderful song, that I came to know because of SVU :) **_

_**Thanks again to everyone that **_**_reviewed, followed and favored that story!_**

**_I'm waiting for your reviews on this last chapter!_**

**_Happy New Year!_**

**_xoxo Kate_**


End file.
